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Sexual Assault Survivor Services

Survivor Handbook

Sexual Assault Survivor Handbook

BYU Sexual Assault Survivor Services

Survivor Handbook

(Download and print a copy here)

SURVIVOR QUOTE

The world didn’t feel like a safe place anymore. I no longer trusted others, and I especially didn’t trust myself. I constantly questioned my judgment and worried about simple decisions, often putting them off altogether. I had very little to no feelings of self-worth, and most of the time I felt like I was crazy or insane. I couldn’t do simple things anymore. I constantly analyzed my behavior and blamed myself for what happened and saw myself as “dirty” or “damaged goods.” How could others, or God love me after what had happened? Relationships of any kind felt dangerous, intimacy both physical and emotional felt impossible. I felt anxious and was constantly looking over my shoulder. I couldn’t talk to those I loved and trusted the most. I was afraid, alone and it got to the point where I didn’t even want to leave the house.

Most of the time I feel like I am living a lie, going about my daily life as if everything is okay but internally I am screaming for help and barely hanging on and coping. I feel like at any moment I could explode.

LETTERS TO SURVIVORS

Dear survivor,
We are sorry that you find yourself in the position of needing to read a handbook on sexual assault. Whether this experience is recent or from the past, we hope that you can find strength, healing, and hope as you access support, learn more about what happened to you, and discover tools to help manage any difficult symptoms. Please know that we believe you, you are not alone, and healing is possible. We are here to help.
-The SASS Advocates

Dear survivor,
There is not one specific “best” way to heal from sexual assault. You’ve had so much taken from you, and now is the time where you decide what you’re going to do about it. Some people report their assault(s) and some people don’t. Some people attend group therapy and some people don’t. Some people tell their families/friends and some people don’t. Some people take a long break from dating and some people don’t. Decisions like these are not inherently wrong or right- they depend on what’s best for you. You alone have the final say on these decisions, but as another survivor, I want you to know that this does not mean that you are alone. I’ve definitely been in the trenches and I won’t sugarcoat the healing process or tell you that it's typically easy, but I also won't lie and say that it can’t get better.

My biggest advice would be to take it slow and be kind with yourself. Healing can require a lot of time and effort. Take the time to process and reprocess what has happened to you and how it affects you. Find as much support as you can. Do your best to take care of yourself when it feels especially hard. You can do this. No matter how long it takes for you to feel like you’re making progress, it’s worth it to keep going. There are resources ready to help you. As someone who has really been through this kind of thing and had several close friends go through it as well, I promise that healing is possible. It’s possible for you. My heart is with you, and I believe in you.
-Anonymous survivor

Dear survivor,
I know you don’t know me but I want you to know that I see you. I see each one of you that has experienced the most horrific thing imaginable and sits alone in the dark. I see you. I see each one of you who have had your life completely turned upside down because of your abuser. I see you. I see each one of you who feels like they can’t tell anyone for a variety of complicated reasons. I see you. I see each one of you who have opened up about your assault and been unsupported or experienced second hand trauma because of people’s comments. I see you. I see each one of you who have been stuck in an abusive relationship and have been manipulated into thinking you are the problem. I see you.

I see each one of you who blames yourself for what happened even though it is 1000% not your fault. I see you. I see each one of you who cries alone at night wondering how and why this happened to you. I see you. I see each one of you who have started to question everything you know because of the acts committed against you. I see you. I see each one of you who has lost interest in the things that once gave you immense joy. I see you. I see each one of you who doesn’t recognize yourself anymore. I see you. I see each one of you who wonders if the pain will ever stop. I see you. I see each one of you whose life has been thrown off track because of what happened to you. I see you. I see each one of you who is fighting or has fought for your life because the pain caused by somebody else’s actions is too much to bear. I SEE YOU.

And it’s not just me who sees you. There are so many people out there wanting and waiting to help you. The Refuge Utah being an incredible example. There are so many community resources. people who will keep what happened to you 100% confidential. You are not alone even though I know it really feels like it at times. I know the pain and it is not pain that should be borne alone so please reach out for help. You are loved. YOU ARE SEEN.
Love,
A fellow survivor

WHAT IS BYU SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVOR SERVICES

Vision

BYU Sexual Assault Survivor Services provides support and resources to all those in the campus community who have experienced any form of sexual violence.

Mission statement

Brigham Young University Sexual Assault Survivor Services assists survivors, faculty, and staff at Brigham Young University who have experienced rape, sexual assault, and stalking. The advocates provide trauma-informed crisis intervention, support, guidance, and information regarding university policies and procedures to help survivors make informed choices regarding their situation and help them cope with challenges that interfere with their ability to be successful at the university.

Who we are

Sexual Assault Survivor Services is a part of Student Development Services in the College of Student Life. SASS services are provided by full-time and part-time staff with specialty training in advocacy and crisis work and a focus on trauma-informed response. All advocates have received approved advocacy training through the state of Utah and have valid credentials and appropriate licensing in their field. Advocates regularly attend training and conferences to ensure they follow best practices and understand the latest developments in the advocacy field.

WHAT TO EXPECT DURING YOUR FIRST VISIT TO BYU SASS

All SASS services are free and confidential to any student or employee, or anyone who participated in a BYU sponsored event.

Making an appointment

You can walk in, call, or email, and a SASS Advocate will be in contact with you as soon as possible to set up an appointment. An advocate can meet with you usually within 24 hours during business hours.

Location: 3328 WSC, Provo, UT
Main line: 801-422-8028
Email: sassadvocate@byu.edu

First Appointment

• An email will be sent to your BYU email account with a request to complete electronic intake paperwork.
• Upon arrival at the front desk, you will be greeted by the receptionist who will let the advocate know you are here.
• The advocate will take you back to their office.
• Once in their office, the advocate will review the confidentiality statement with you and give you an opportunity to ask any questions that you may have about confidentiality. All disclosures made to SASS advocates are confidential. Survivors are NOT obligated to report to law enforcement, the Honor Code, and BYU Title IX offices, or any other entity on campus, unless it is determined that there is an immediate health or safety risk or is otherwise required by law.
• You and the advocate will then have a conversation about your circumstances. Assault can be difficult to talk about so the advocate will provide emotional support and help you through the process. All advocates undergo several hours of trauma-informed training. They provide a victim-centered, trauma-informed, and nonjudgmental approach.
• The role of the advocate is to provide resources and options for you. While advocates are happy to discuss pros and cons of various options, you will make all decisions about your care and needs moving forward.

Follow-up Appointments

You have the option to meet multiple times with an advocate for various needs including:

• Understanding the nature of sexual assault
• Assistance with academic concerns
• Short-term counseling (individual sessions can be up to 5 sessions, and trauma groups are provided for one semester)
• Assistance with accessing medical care and/or sexual assault forensic exams
• Assistance applying for financial compensation
• Help with reporting to Title IX and/or law enforcement

DEFINITIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND HARRASSMENT

Sexual Assault

Sexual Assault can take on many forms and can include a spectrum of acts, from unwanted contact to rape. Oftentimes, survivors are not sure if what happened was assault. Speaking with an advocate/trained professional about what happened can bring clarity to the situation.

Sexual Assault (Contact):

Sexual contact can include any intentional touching of another person in a sexual way without their permission. Examples of such contact can involve touching the breasts, buttocks, or groin—either over or under clothing. It can also include making someone else touch these parts of your body or theirs, and any act involving the release of ejaculate onto someone’s body or clothing without their consent. Any unwanted/non-consensual sexual touching can be defined as sexual assault.

Sexual Assault (Rape):

Any form of vaginal, anal, or oral penetration, however slight, by a penis, object, tongue, or finger without a person's consent; and oral copulation (mouth to genital contact or genital to mouth contact) without a person's consent.

Sexual Harassment:

BYU defines sexual harassment as unwelcome advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal, written or physical conduct of a sexual nature, when:

• Submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of an individual's employment or status as a student in a course, program, or activity.
• Submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for employment or academic decisions affecting an individual.
• Such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work or academic performance, or of creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive environment for working or learning.

Sexual harassment encompasses any sexual attention that is unwanted. Examples include:

• Unwelcome comments about a person's clothing or body
• Coercion for a date or a romantic or intimate relationship
• Unwelcome touching, kissing, hugging or massaging
• A course of unwanted attention that is repeated or obsessive
• Giving letters, personal gifts, and/or materials of a sexual nature
• Use of unwanted force in connection with sexual activity or attempted sexual activity
• Subtle pressure for sexual activity
• Engaging in sexual activity with a person who is incapacitated
• Engaging in sexual activity with someone who did not give consent to the sexual activity
• Videotaping or photographing of activity of a sexual or private nature without the consent of the person(s) being videotaped or photographed
• Use of email, the Internet or other forms of digital media to facilitate any of the conduct listed above

Stalking

Stalking is the repeated harassment or invasion of privacy that leaves a person in fear for his or her safety or the safety of loved ones. Stalking can include physically following another, repeated and unwanted contact, closely observing a person's actions for an extended time (including through social media), and inappropriately contacting a person's family or friends. Stalking is against the law in Utah.

WHAT IS CONSENT

Ninety percent of survivors will know the person who assaulted them. The first step to preventing sexual assault is understanding consent.

• Consent is an enthusiastic agreement to do the same thing at the same time in the same way. If someone feels pressured to say yes, then it is not consent.
• Consent is specific.
• Consent for one sexual activity does not mean consent for another, and consent at one time does not imply consent in the future. Being in a relationship with someone does not mean your partner has automatically consented to any sexual activity.
• Bottom line, consent is about respecting the bodily autonomy and rights of another person. Consent is required for more than just sexual activity. Consent must also be present when exchanging photos and messages, meeting in person, holding hands, kissing, touching, etc.
• Consent must be coherent, freely given, and specific. Consent means talking about sex. Consent is not just the lack of a "no." Consent is an outward demonstration of yes.

For more information on how BYU's Sexual Harassment Policy explains consent visit:

https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent

• Taken from churchofjesuschrist.org:

Consent is a word closely related to agency. Agency is the God-given power to act and not be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14, 16, 26; Moses 7:32). We are taught to honor the agency of others and not disregard it through coercion, compulsion, or force (see Doctrine and Covenants 121:39–44; Moses 4:3).

Consent is used in a variety of contexts, such as in the legal, ethical, social science, and medical fields. For example, a doctor does not perform surgery on your body without first asking for your clearly given permission.

In the context of physical affection and sexual intimacy, consent means that a person must willingly, freely, and clearly agree to touching, kissing, or any other intimate act. Otherwise, he or she is being acted upon and has not consented.

It is important to understand that consent cannot be given when:

1. A person is asleep, unconscious, or under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or medications.
2. The person does not have the intellectual capacity to agree to sexual contact.
3. The person is younger than the legal age of consent.
4. Someone tricks, forces, or controls the other person.

It is also important to understand that absence of resistance is not consent. If a person doesn’t resist physical contact or stops resisting, it does not mean that the person has given consent. Psychologists note that “freezing” or being immobilized by fear are common reactions to unwanted physical touch.

In addition, consent must be ongoing. Consenting to a type of physical intimacy once does not imply consent to the same behavior in the future.

MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT

Myth #1: Rape and sexual assault are really just about sex.

Fact: Sexual assault is a crime committed in a sexual manner. It is about power and humiliation, and it is socially learned behavior that correlates with history, gender roles, conditioning, and how sexual violence is portrayed in the media. Sexual assault is not consensual.

Myth #2: Sexual assault only happens between people who have just met or are perpetrated by a stranger.

Fact: Sexual violence has nothing to do with how well the person knows the assailant. Most sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows: a friend, acquaintance, classmate, teammate, dating partner, or ex-dating partner.

Myth #3: If a person does not fight back, they aren't sexually assaulted.

Fact: Fight and flight are not the only way a person responds during a traumatic event. During an assault, many experience tonic immobility or a "freeze response" where they cannot move or speak.

Myth #4: There are many false reports of sexual assault, especially when the victim and the assailant know each other.

Fact: National research suggested that the rate of false reporting for sexual assault is the same as for other crimes-- only 2-8%. Additionally, in the 1996 National Criminal Victimization Survey, the Bureau of Justice Statistics proposed that only 30.7% of all rapes are reported to the police. The problem of not reporting is much larger than false reports.

Myth #5: Sexual assaults only happen in or around bars, at parties, or in alleyways.

Fact: Most victims who have been sexually assaulted were in an environment they considered safe and were assaulted by someone they thought they could trust.

Myth #6: Anyone who gets drunk or takes drugs is partially responsible for being sexually assaulted.

Fact: Someone who is passed out, unconscious, or incapacitated because of alcohol or drugs is unable to give consent. Sexual contact without consent is sexual assault, and it is never the victim's fault.

Myth #7: Only women can get raped.

Fact: Men can be and are sexually assaulted, and not only by other men. Though the majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by men, women can also be perpetrators.

Myth #8: Most rapes are committed by men of color.

Fact: Many violent crimes, including rape, involve a victim and offender of the same race. Most arrests made for sex offenses and rapes are of white men.

Myth #9: There is nothing we can do to prevent sexual violence.

Fact: Bystanders can act to prevent sexual assault violence both indirectly and directly, as well as before, during, and even after an assault has occurred. You can learn how to become an up-stander.

GETTING IMMEDIATE HELP

1. Seek Safety: Get to a safe place away from the perpetrator.
2. Get Medical Attention: Even if there are no visible injuries, it is important to be evaluated by a medical professional. A medical professional can check for physical harm, provide support, and collect evidence through a SANE exam. Advocates are available at the SANE exam so you are not alone.
3. Report the Assault: Reporting to authorities may help stop the perpetrator from harming others and help you seek justice. The survivor’s feelings and wishes are observed.
4. Talk to Someone: Reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, survivor advocate, and/or counselor can provide emotional support during this time.
5. Consider Counseling or Support Groups: Professional support from counselors or sexual assault survivor groups can be helpful in coping with the aftermath.

WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS AFTER A SEXUAL ASSAULT

Asking yourself what I need right now and honoring those needs is an important first step after sexual assault. There is no right or wrong way regarding anyone’s response to being assaulted. Here are some examples of needs:

• Someone to talk to who feels safe, nonjudgmental, believing, and trusting. Positive sympathy. Time for healing and reflection. Safety. Accountability. Time (healing often takes longer than survivors and their loved ones expect). Patience. Not to feel judged or victim blamed.
• Education on sexual assault, options for support, where/how/what to report, and legal/judicial protection.
• Medical attention.
• Spiritual support and/or guidance.
• Comfort, grounding back to safety, peace, love, distraction, a vacation from your thoughts, clarity, understanding of what happened. Trauma-informed therapy.
• Financial support. There are resources available for victims through the Utah Office for Victims of Crime.
• Take time to ask yourself, what do I need right now that would help me to function? Advocates are here to help support you in your needs.
• Another question that may be helpful to ask yourself is, what would meaningful justice look like for what happened to me? Some people need to have punitive justice, such as their perpetrator being processed through the legal system. They need to feel that their perpetrator is recognized for what they did and held accountable. Some survivors do not feel they can endure a police investigation, forensic interview, trial, etc. Not everyone feels that they need to report the assault to the police and/or Title IX. There is no judgment on what you decide is best for you. Also, what you feel you need for restorative justice may change over time. You may need to ask yourself the same question in a year, five years, etc. What do I need to feel there has been restorative justice? It is important to remember that there are options and that not one size fits all.

REPORTING

Taken from

ucasa.org

:

Who to Tell

You have the right to have control over your story. Sorting through who to tell about a sexual assault is an important step in the healing process. Many survivors do not tell anyone. It can be very scary to risk letting strong feelings out and to wait for another person’s reaction. The perpetrator may tell others their side of the story, or someone may spread rumors. If you had injuries and sought medical care, others may know, too. Losing control of the disclosure process can be very painful. Many survivors find themselves telling everyone because, that way, the truth is being spread instead of rumors. Many survivors also hope that if they tell enough people, someone will help them.

Think about who has been supportive or fair to you in the past. Maybe there is a person you trust, a friend, or a loved one that you can confide in. Some resources are confidential yet governed by mandatory reporting laws, which may require specific situations to be reported, such as a minor experiencing a sexual assault. If you have concerns, ask before disclosing personally identifying information. Whichever agency you choose to contact can help explain your options and rights.

Reporting

The decision to report the assault to law enforcement is solely up to you. You are not required to speak to law enforcement even if evidence is collected during a forensic medical exam. Deciding whether or not to report a sexual assault is very difficult for most survivors. Reporting may simply not be possible for you right now. Only you know what’s right for you. Before you disclose that you have been raped or sexually assaulted to a medical practitioner, be aware that all medical professionals (including SANE) are required to report to law enforcement when they treat injuries that are the result of a crime.

Many survivors see reporting as a good way to get some control back. It's important to remember that the process can sometimes be frustrating. Although the process may take months or even years, it can help provide closure or justice. If you choose to report the crime, it is very important to report a sexual assault to the police as soon as possible. Evidence may be lost or damaged with time, so please consider ways to preserve evidence, such as having a sexual assault medical-forensic examination or turning items of digital and physical evidence over to law enforcement. Reporting a crime to law enforcement is a choice. It is the role of law enforcement to offer protection as well as investigate reported crimes. The hospital staff or a victim advocate can contact the police for you, or you may contact them yourself. Reporting is the only way law enforcement will know that a crime has occurred and hopefully protect you and others from future harm.

Police First Response

The responding officer will ask detailed questions about what occurred, where, when, and how. Many of the questions may feel invasive or difficult to answer. It will be helpful to have a victim advocate sit with you to provide support and to intervene if needed in the event that the officer makes inappropriate comments or asks biased questions. Well-trained officers understand how difficult it is to answer these questions, but if the information provided is to aid in an investigation, they need as much detail as possible. You will be asked to sign a victim/witness statement (a declaration of the facts in your own words about what happened to you), including a description of the offender and where the attack took place. Your case will be assigned a number, which is something you should keep to have available when needed. Additionally, you may request a copy of the police report for your own files. If you see any errors or remember any further information that will aid the police, you should inform the victim advocate and/or police. It is not unusual to remember more details as time passes. The officer must also protect the crime scene, determine the type and circumstances of the crime committed, as well as identify potential suspects and witnesses. After a preliminary survey of the crime scene, the responding officer will call in an investigator.

Investigation

Not all reports of sexual assault will have a crime scene, but there may be other things to investigate for further evidence. Upon their arrival, the investigator takes charge of the crime scene and is briefed about the incident by the responding officer. The investigator will then interview the victim and other witnesses, asking very specific questions about the crime. The questions will help guide the investigation to ensure evidence collection and preparation for future interviews with witnesses and the perpetrator. The investigator will then collect evidence and document the crime scene. Consider not taking a shower, washing, or throwing away any items related to the assault. You may consider telling the police about these items, including clothing or linens, because they may need to collect them as evidence. After the investigator conducts interviews and gathers evidence, they will then write up a report. The police may need to contact you during their investigation. Your help is very important to the investigation. Someone from the prosecutor’s office (a prosecutor or an investigator) may contact you. You may also be contacted by a law enforcement victim advocate who will work to assist you through the legal process. Even though it may sometimes be challenging, cooperating with law enforcement officers, detectives, and prosecutors may benefit you and your case.

Reporting to BYU Title IX

The BYU Title IX Office is dedicated to promoting equitable treatment on the basis of sex by coordinating the university's efforts to prevent and respond to sex discrimination and sexual misconduct.

A Sexual Harassment report may be made by any person who believes that Sexual Harassment may have occurred that requires BYU’s response. The person reporting need not be the Complainant. There are different options for reporting and how a grievance is addressed. It is important to meet with the Title IX deputy to learn more about options. A SASS advocate is happy to accompany you to this appointment. Title IX does not share any information about the assault with the Honor Code office. To read and learn more about Title IX you can visit their webpage along with reading the BYU University Policies manual:

https://titleix.byu.edu/

https://policy.byu.edu/view/sexual-harassment-policy?s=s880

WHAT IS A SANE EXAM

A Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) exam is a specialized medical and forensic procedure conducted by trained nurses to collect evidence and provide medical care to victims of sexual assault, including a thorough physical exam, evidence collection, and potential medical interventions like STI prevention or emergency contraception.

Here's a more detailed breakdown of what happens during a SANE exam:

• Initial Interview and Documentation:

The SANE nurse will conduct a thorough interview to understand the details of the assault, including the victim's medical history and the events leading up to and during the assault. A police officer will also be present to inquire into filing a police report. A victims advocate from The Refuge Utah will also be available for support (or from other agencies, dependent on which hospital/health center location). They provide a kit with clothing, snacks, and information pamphlets.

• Physical Examination:

A comprehensive physical exam is performed to assess any injuries and collect potential evidence.

• Evidence Collection:

This may include collecting samples of bodily fluids (e.g., semen, blood, vaginal fluid, saliva), hair, fingernail clippings, and other relevant materials. Clothing and any other item that involved in the assault will also be collected.

• Medical Interventions:

The SANE nurse may offer or provide medical care, such as: Preventive treatment for STIs. Emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy. And medications for pain or other symptoms.

• Documentation:

The SANE nurse will document all aspects of the exam, including the victim's statements, physical findings, and any evidence collected.

• Follow-up and Resources:

The victim will receive information about follow-up care, support services, and resources for ongoing care and recovery.

• The patient has complete control over what happens during the SANE examination and can accept or decline any or all recommendations of the examiner

COMMON REACTIONS DURING A SEXUAL ASSAULT

(taken from ucasa.org)

• Freezing:


The experience of being sexually assaulted is shocking. A common response for many survivors is to freeze, feeling unable to think, move or speak. When your life and safety are threatened, your fight or flight reaction is triggered. If you are in a situation where either physically fighting or running is impossible or dangerous, the only option is to flee mentally. If you have been assaulted in the past, this reaction is even more likely. Freezing probably helped to keep you alive.

• Yielding:


Another way many survivors describe yielding is “giving in” or pretending to cooperate. Many survivors are able to figure out what the perpetrator wants and try to minimize injuries by seeming to go along with the rapist. There is no shame in deciding that you do not want to die or have serious physical injuries. The fact that you were able to think clearly enough to strategize is impressive in itself.

• Bargaining:


Some survivors will try to cut a deal during the assault. Bargaining might mean performing one sex act if the perpetrator agrees not to do another or convincing them to wear a condom or having sex in exchange for protection.

• Physical Fighting:


There are many ways to fight. Anything you did to survive was fighting back. Some survivors have the reaction of screaming, pushing, kicking, scratching, or hitting. The rapist who is not looking for a physical fight may give up. Many rapists are looking for a fight and will respond even more violently. You are the only one who was there, and your instincts helped protect you. If you did fight off the attacker, you may feel empowered by that. But you may still have many of the feelings listed in the next section. Attempted rape is also sexual assault.

• Terror and Disbelief:


Many survivors experience feelings of extreme fear, helplessness, and hopelessness during an assault. A sexual assault is an experience where you have no control over what is happening to you. Terror, which does not go away when the assault is over, is a normal reaction.

• Sexual Response:


It is normal to experience some sexual response during an assault that would otherwise signal sexual pleasure. A sexual response makes many survivors feel very ashamed, but does not mean you wanted or liked what was happening to you. Your body is designed to respond to touch. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

HEALING AFTER A SEXUAL ASSAULT

There is no "right" or "wrong" way to respond to trauma. Each person responds differently, and your journey is uniquely yours, including the pace at which you heal. It is important not to compare your experience to others or judge yourself for how you're feeling. Survivors often face self-doubt and feel invalidated about what they've gone through and the symptoms they're experiencing. But remember, your emotions, your body’s reactions, and your responses are valid. Be patient with yourself and allow the time you need to heal. Treat yourself with kindness throughout the process.

Signs you may need professional help

If you're experiencing a trauma response or symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that persist for more than a month, it may be time to seek support. Signs can include difficulty focusing on school, an inability to leave home, loss of interest in relationships or activities you once enjoyed or struggle to function in daily life. You might also notice changes in your sleep and eating habits.

Signs/Symptoms of PTSD

• Intrusive thoughts
• Recurring nightmares/troubled sleep
• Feeling like a traumatic event is happening repeatedly
• Avoiding reminders of the event
• Feeling hypervigilant, jumpy or easily startled
• A lack of interest in activities previously enjoyed
• A feeling of hopelessness
• Difficulty feeling positive emotions
• Dissociating (a mental process that involves a disconnection from one's thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity)

If these symptoms persist, interfere with daily life/functioning, and are making you miserable, it is recommended to seek ongoing therapy.

SURVIVOR SKILLS

(See https://advocates.byu.edu/ for more information/handouts on coping with trauma symptoms)

Grounding

Grounding techniques can help you feel more connected to the present moment and avoid intrusive thoughts or flashbacks when you're experiencing dissociation. Here are some grounding methods you can try:

Breathing exercises: Slow, deep breathing can help calm the body's response to stress and anxiety.

Sensory kit: Create a kit with items you can touch, smell, and feel.

Body scan: Start with deep breathing and visualize each part of your body, from your toes and fingers to your core.

Affirmations: Create a list of positive affirmations to challenge negative thoughts.

Hold an object: Use your senses to connect with the world around you, like holding an ice cube.

Journaling: Look back on dissociative periods to make sense of what happened.

Relaxing activities: Try reading, taking a bath, or meditating.

Self-care: Get enough sleep, reduce stress, and self-soothe activities

Sleep

Nightmares and disturbed sleep can be a very common reaction to trauma. Seek out medical consultation on sleep if it has been a long-term problematic issue. Sleeping and getting enough nutrition are vital components to recovery. Here is a helpful handout on what to do with nightmares:

https://depts.washington.edu/uwbrtc/wp-content/uploads/Nightmare-Protocol.pdf

This handout provides helpful tips on practicing good sleep hygiene:

http://dbtskills.com.au/wpcontent/uploads/2015/06/SleepHygieneProtocol.pdf

Nutrition

Sometimes survivors have trouble eating due to nausea and stress responses in the body. BYU Women’s Services has a nutrition consultant you can work with to get ideas of how to get enough nutrition throughout the day. If you are unable to eat a full meal, carrying high protein snacks and honoring your hunger are important in taking care of your needs. SASS has snacks and drinks available to all survivors located in the waiting room. Deep breathing and calming/relaxation exercises help to decrease the body’s stress response, so you feel less nauseous.

Coping with Panic Attacks

If you are experiencing a panic attack, try to stay in place, focus on your breathing, and remind yourself that the symptoms are uncomfortable but not life-threatening, and will pass. Here's a more detailed breakdown of what to do during a panic attack:

  • Stay in Place (if possible): Avoid fleeing the situation, as this can reinforce the perception that panic attacks are unbearable.
  • Focus on Breathing: Practice slow, deep breathing to help calm your nervous system.
  • Remind Yourself It's Temporary: Acknowledge that panic attacks are uncomfortable but not dangerous and that they will pass.
  • Engage Your Senses: Focus on the sights, sounds, and textures around you to ground yourself in the present moment.
  • Grounding Techniques: Try techniques like naming five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
  • Challenge Negative Thoughts: If you have negative thoughts, try to rationally challenge them.
  • Muscle Relaxation: Consciously relax your muscles, starting with your toes and working your way up.
  • Focus on a Single Object: Choose an object and focus on its details to distract yourself from your symptoms.
  • Close Your Eyes: This can reduce external stimuli and help you focus on your breathing.
  • Stay Calm and Curious: Try to remain calm and curious about your experience, rather than fighting against it.
  • Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it's okay to feel overwhelmed.
  • Seek Support: If you are in a public place, consider telling someone you trust what's happening and ask for their support.

After the Panic Attack:

  • Engage in Self-Care: After the attack, take time for self-care activities that you find relaxing.
  • Talk to Someone You Trust: Share your experience with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.
  • Seek Professional Help: If you are experiencing frequent or severe panic attacks, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or doctor.
  • Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can be effective in helping people manage panic attacks.
  • Consider Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage panic attacks.
  • Learn About Panic Disorder: If you are having lots of panic attacks at unpredictable times, you might be given a diagnosis of panic disorder.

SPIRITUAL/FAITH RECOVERY

It is common for survivors to struggle with faith-based issues after an assault. You may find yourself asking questions such as “Why did this happen to me?”, “God, if you are real, why would You let this happen to me?”, or “Did I deserve this?” You may be thinking that you are unworthy to talk with God because you may believe you could have stopped the assault. Rather than turning away, keep looking for the right person you can confide in. There are church leaders and other members who understand and can be wonderful resources in your spiritual recovery.

Remember you have a loving Heavenly Father who understands what you are going through and He is anxious for you to ask Him for His help, healing, love, and understanding. He is always there to help you. Faith-related issues after an assault can be challenging, slow to heal, and hard to understand. Perhaps you are experiencing shame about what happened to you. Shame tends to lead people to avoid talking about the event and therefore closing themselves off from others and God. Challenging shame-based thinking and working your way out of shame will help you to move forward in healing. Remember, it WAS NOT your fault, and YOU ARE worthy!

Helpful articles/talks:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/abuse-help-for-victims?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/04/to-heal-the-shattering-consequences-of-abuse?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2020/10/how-i-found-healing-from-sexual-abuse?lang=eng#p1

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/generalconference/2022/04/24kearon?lang=eng#p26

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2022/08/06_honoring-agency-in-physical-intimacy?lang=eng#title1

HELPING FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES WHO ARE SURVIVORS

Start by Believing

Only a small minority of victims report their sexual assault to law enforcement or file a formal complaint with university authorities. In BYU's most recent sexual misconduct survey, more than a third of victims did not tell anyone at all. The most common reasons included concerns about privacy, shame, the seriousness of their experience, and the fear they would be blamed or not believed in. Fifty-seven percent said they feared being blamed by others or not being believed.

When someone tells you they were sexually assaulted, knowing how to respond is critical. A negative response can increase trauma symptoms and guilt/shame in the survivor. When you start by believing, you help stop this cycle. Improving personal and professional reactions encourages more people to disclose their own experiences with sexual assault so they can get essential support. It starts with you.

How to Start by Believing

If someone discloses to you, listen with empathy and validate the person disclosing to you. For example:

"I'm sorry this happened. I'm here for you."

"You can tell me as much or as little as you want."

"It's not your fault."

"I'm glad you told me. What can I do to support you?"

Avoid asking "why" questions. These can sound accusatory and make survivors blame themselves. It is not your responsibility to investigate or to determine if a crime or policy violation was committed. Recognize that healing from trauma is not black and white, and each individual will heal at their own pace and in their own way. Because of this, someone may not be ready or able to report to the police or Title IX right away or ever. That is okay. Know the resources available, including victim advocacy and reporting options, and ask if they need help getting connected.

Respect Your Loved One's Decisions

Trust the person disclosing to you to know what is best for themselves. Often, survivors have had the ability to make their own decisions stripped away from them; it's our role to put that power back in their hands by supporting their choices.

You can help restore a sense of control by respecting his or her decision of who to tell about their experience. Your loved one can always choose to tell someone later. There is no time limit on reporting to BYU. Note: if your loved one is under the age of 18, and was the victim of an assault or abuse, it is required by law that it be reported to the authorities. Contact SASS.

Even if your friend or loved one does not want to come see us or another advocate, you can still help them by learning about important information, options, and resources. Your loved one can always choose to see someone later.

Avoid Victim Blaming

Why People Blame Victims

When bad things happen to people, others often look for a reason it happened to that particular person. By thinking, "that wouldn't have happened to me, because I would have..." makes people feel safer in their own lives and continue to think something just as bad won't happen to them.

Blaming Silences Victims

People don't always realize they are doing it, but blaming a victim can be very harmful, not just on the victim, but on society as a whole. Blaming silences victims. When victims are blamed, they are less likely to seek help in recovering from a traumatic experience, and they are less likely to report the experience to authorities. Abuse, assault, and other forms of violence are always the perpetrator’s fault. A victim does not bring it on themselves. Reporting to police is one of the essential tools we have to prevent future crime. By silencing victims, the cycle of crime continues.

What does Victim-Blaming sound like?

  • "She should have known better."
  • "What did he expect?"
  • "Did you see what they were wearing?"
  • "She shouldn't have gotten so wasted."
  • "They both have a lot of problems."
  • "But she provoked him."
  • "Why didn't he just leave?"
  • "They were asking for it."
How You Can Help End the Silence

  • Make sure victims can be heard.
  • Let survivors know what happened to them is not their fault.
  • Confront victim-blaming when you hear it.
  • Do not let perpetrators blame their victim, alcohol or drugs for their behavior.
  • Understand how your own implicit bias about gender or what you think the "perfect victim" looks like affect the way you interpret a story about sexual assault or rape.

LOCAL AND NATIONAL RESOURCES FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS

Medical

Legal Assistance

Financial Resources

Counseling

Academic Support

Wellness Resources

Crisis Resources

Reporting Options